Announcing A New Service for Our Bravest Readers: Ask Coach Toughlove

Sometimes information, support, friendly advice, or sympathy just aren't enough. When you're stuck in a vicious circle of unhelpful thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, you might need a good, firm kick in the butt to get yourself out of it.

But it has to be the right kind of kick. Getting flamed or ridiculed for doing something dumb isn't going to help--it's not like you don't already know that what you're doing isn't working for you. And getting told to "just do it" isn't going to work either--if you could do that, you would have already.

Most of the time, the real problem is that you're just not seeing yourself or what you're doing very clearly. You're not noticing how a particular way of thinking is getting in your way, or how your negative feelings are being generated by your own behavior. Until you can see what's going on, you'll stay stuck, because you can't learn anything from your own problems, and you won't know how to focus your energy and effort effectively enough to actually change things.

That's where a little toughlove can come in handy...


Toughlove is not about giving you "the answer" to your problem or embarrassing you into doing what someone else thinks you should do. It's about showing you what you're doing to yourself that's getting in your way so you can stop doing that and try something else.

It's hard to find a good toughlove practitioner, though, because most people haven't made enough mistakes or done enough dumb things to recognize all the underlying problems when they see them. And those who have often don't make it through this arduous educational experience sane enough to become certifiable toughlove practitioners. Then there's the problem of surviving the reactions you get to giving bad toughlove while you're doing your apprenticeship. It's no wonder living, breathing Toughlove masters are few and far between.

Announcing a new service for blog readers: Ask Coach Toughlove

But despite all these obstacles, we're proud to announce that we have found an experienced toughlove practitioner, a true student of the Dark Side with a long and varied history of dysfunctional behaviors, who's willing to share his hard-earned insights with any readers of The dailySpark brave enough to ask for a little toughlove.

Coach Toughlove, as he likes to call himself, specializes in questions about motivation, attitude, and how to handle feelings, thoughts, and behaviors that cause problems. So, please don't ask him technical questions about your diet or your exercise or your email problems--he'll just ignore you (if you're lucky).

Also, understand that any question you ask the Coach, along with his answer, may show up here in this blog, for the whole world to see. Coach Toughlove promises not to be mean or insulting, but he will tell you what he really thinks, and he's not above using a little sarcasm or humor to make a point, when he feels that might help. You might want to avoid seeking advice about any illegal or compromising behaviors that are better kept confidential.

When a Q&A appears in this blog, other readers are invited to post comments about their own experience with the problem being discussed, and to agree or disagree with Coach Toughlove's advice--but not to aim their own brand of toughlove at the person asking the featured question, or at other bloggers. This is strictly a No Flaming zone, and persecutors will not be tolerated.

To ask Coach Toughlove a question you can:

post it on the Coach Toughlove's Motivational Bootcamp Sparkteam page, in the sticky thread reserved for that purpose;

You will be notified in advance by email if your question is selected for inclusion in Coach Toughlove's blog. Questions that aren't selected for the blog will be answered in the thread linked above, as the Coach's time and other duties permit.




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