Being Too Restrictive With Kids' Diets Could Backfire

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By: Jen Mueller : 9/15/2009 10:27:16 AM : 111 comments : 7,911 Views

I've written many blogs where I talk about trying to provide my kids with a diet that is as healthy as possible. Sometimes I get strange looks from family and friends when they see what my almost-3-year-old eats for lunch. I think my choices have made veggies and other healthy foods a normal part of her day. She doesn't question why she's having broccoli with her sandwich because she likes it. But I will be honest, for a while after I stopped nursing and she started eating like a "real" person, I got VERY stressed out about her diet. I never wanted her to have anything that was too high in salt, too high in sugar, too processed, etc. I felt like she could never eat what everyone else was having. She didn't notice when she was younger, but as she got a little older and all of the other kids were having juice and chips, she didn't understand why she wasn't having some too. That's when I decided that unless I wanted to alienate her and give her a complex about food, I needed to relax a little.

Don't get me wrong- I'm still pretty strict about what she eats at home or what we'll order off of the kids menu at a restaurant. But new research from the Center for Childhood Obesity Research at Pennsylvania State University shows that being too restrictive about the foods children eat can actually cause more weight gain. The highest weight gain was among girls who considered their parents most restrictive about eating certain foods. The study followed 200 girls from age 5 through age 15.

Although it's easy to control things when they are younger, eventually your kids start going to play dates, school and other places where you're not around to monitor every bite they take. And kids who have very restrictive diets at home are more likely to go crazy with junk food when mom's not looking. So I've loosened up a little, and decided to teach my kids the importance of healthy foods, both by what I serve them and what I eat myself. But I also want them to understand that treats are okay now and then, and if your friend is having some M&M's and you'd like to enjoy them with her, it's not the end of the world.

What do you think?


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Comments (Scroll to end to leave a comment)

TBIAM2000
2/2/2010
12:06:21 PM

 I have to agree with the writer of this blog (Jen Mueller?). Because I have struggled with my weight my entire life, I decided at the onset of introduction of 'normal' food to my son, that he would eat healthy, with the same results; no questions about broccoli instead of chips, and milk instead of fruit juice. No questions, until the other kids around him were getting juice and less healthy snacks. So, I loosened up a bit. I figured, he is on my time/food choices more than he is with others, I make sure on my time he is eating healthy. But I have to say, I have seen my son on more than 1, 2 or 3+ occassions grab a handful of grapes at a get together vs a handfull of M&Ms.
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NETTIE-DELGADO
1/5/2010
2:40:39 AM

 My parents restricted my food and commented on how big I was all the time. The thing is, I never was fat as a child - just taller and with a broader skelletal structure. Their constant focus on my body has left lasting damage - an eating disorder, an 150+ pounds extra weight, and PTSD that still limits my life.
110
ALLE88
12/13/2009
2:03:50 PM

 I just found this blog, but I really couldn't agree more. I have never been too over the top and I have 4 healthy weight children. We are working at choosing better options and I have noticed that my children often follow my example. I have also noticed that their friends who have very restricted diets are often sugar addicts when they are outside of the care of their parents. One of my daughter's friends (who is a teenager now) ate 5 cupcakes at a party.

Teaching our children by our own examples is most important, by #1 including lots of veggies and fruits and avoiding processed foods and #2 also by teaching them about eating in moderation. Two lessons that will take them a long way in living a healthy lifestyle in the future.
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ALWAYSCHANGING
11/14/2009
7:57:38 AM

 We actually had a problem in my household for a while because though I embrace healthy eating whole heartedly my DH does not and it kind of puts the kids in the middle. I finally sat down and explained to them all that I wanted our children to have something I never had about food: Knowledge. I didn't want to stop them from candy and junk (I mean come on we all crave it once in a while) but I did want them to limit how much they consumed. I didn't want them to starve themselves, but I did want them to learn about portion control and eating til satiated, not full. And most of all I wanted them to understand what they were putting in their bodies and the benefits or setbacks of their choices. Once everyone understood where I was coming from, they (meaning the kids) embraced it. They have deserts (in the form of thier fave sweets) about twice a week. They are quicker to reach for fruit now than they are for chips and they drink water during the day as a challenge to me, to see who can drink the most. I can't remember the last time they asked for kool-aid. So yeah I don't think being restrictive is the way to go, but educating your kids is definitely important. Give them the option to be healthy.
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MROGERS0325
11/12/2009
6:47:42 AM

 I agree that it's fine to relax a little, but it is also important to stick to your choices as a parent and explain to your kids that these types of foods (juice, chips, etc.) are to be eaten in moderation. It's definitely all about balance...
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FIREBALL_V
11/8/2009
11:48:46 PM

 I agree. I knew some girls in 6th grade whose parents would not allow them to eat candy. So what did they do? They shoplifted candy from the convenience store the bus dropped them off at, and then ate it on the way home. I was the same way with my children when they were toddlers, but as they grew older they decided they would not eat the healthy fruits and veggies anymore. It's been a battle ever since. :(
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DANAGALUTEN
10/26/2009
2:28:33 PM

 Great point! I agree that when parents are too strict with food, they do not realize that the kids will eventually taste that food and will more than likely overeat those foods that they were denied. My parents did not let us eat processed or unnatural foods AT ALL (no resturaunts, fast food or anything that was not pure and home made). When I went to college, I pigged out on everything I had never tried. It took me years to realize that I need to just eat small portions of these unhealthy foods. It took me a while to get it all under control! So, give your kids some treats already!!
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LSHAPPELL
10/24/2009
10:07:54 AM

 Moderation is the key. Extreme often backfires.
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MAEBEAR26
10/23/2009
6:17:47 PM

 I think leaning moderation at a young age is the way to go
103
PUMPKINPHD
9/24/2009
4:53:24 AM

 My aunt used to be very strict with her kids. As a result, everytime she dropped them off at our house for babysitting, the daughter would start bugging us for sweets as soon as her mom left. She knew exactly where the treats were stored. Practically went nuts & dragged me out of the house to chase the ice cream man one time when she was about 4. And she did end up with weight problems.
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RAVENFAIR
9/21/2009
12:00:12 PM

 When I was a child we never had pop, sugary cereal or snacks.. other then maybe pretzels and air pop popcorn in the house. I grew up loving (and still do!) fruits and veggies. However I was allowed a treat every now and then. I don't feel like I was deprived as a child, but instead I feel thankful that because of all the fruits and veggies I ate as a child.. they are many days when I would rather eat a salad over anything else.
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HOPE2BE
9/21/2009
6:33:56 AM

 sounds like a sound idea
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DKIRKLIN
9/20/2009
5:56:41 PM

 Haha, I'm a personal example of the going crazy with junk food at play dates. Specific example - Mom never kept Little Debbie snacks in the house. When I went across the street to a friend's house, one of the first things I would do is ask for one of the snack cakes they kept in the house (I think it was zebra cakes?). My friend thought I was strange I think, haha. Now that I'm an adult, I don't keep Little Debbies in the house either, and my daughter may get the same test. Thankfully, I did learn healthy habits from my mom and I knew how to make good food choices before I left home, even if I still don't always make the best decision :)
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ARTROX
9/20/2009
12:11:31 PM

 I totally agree. I have been overweight/obese my entire life, and I remember when my family would try restricting my calorie intake, it was such a letdown. My brothers and sisters could eat whatever they wanted, but I was constantly being reminded that I was "a little heavier" than everyone else.

At times, I see my oldest sister doing the same thing with her youngest daughter, but she is also encouraging her to participate in sports, dance, anything to get her moving, as well as encouraging her to make healthier choices. Hopefully, she (my niece) won't be in the same predicament I'm in now. :)
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MAKINACHANGE4ME
9/19/2009
9:03:41 PM

 It's all about balance!
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KWRIGHT26
9/19/2009
4:37:42 PM

 My sister-in-law makes yogurt and fruit smoothies and pours them in a popsicle mold to make frozen yogurt pops. My nephews love them, and even my 1-yo niece takes a nibble. When my nephew was a toddler, my brother would always scrape most of the icing off cupcakes and give him fruit instead of candy. As he got older, they let him make more of his own food choices and he generally opted to leave the icing behind anyway. Now, when they go out, servers are always surprised to hear an 11-year old boy order a salad with dinner.
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FABBECKY
9/19/2009
12:08:49 PM

 I read this blog as I was making my son broccoli, brown rice and black beans for lunch... his choice at almost 2!
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SASANDRA
9/19/2009
1:07:26 AM

 When I was growing up our meals were always home made. Our family ate out only on 'special' occasions. There were no guidelines or restrictions. There was no reason to eat out because mom and pop loved cooking. And that is how I raised my children...good ole family values. I did, however, experience the pressures of having my children see other children with happy meal toys and wonder why they didn't eat out. They felt pressure from piers (as they got older) about eating out (at fast food places). They felt deprived. Isn't that weird to feel deprived when you always had mom cook your meals...odd how these mega food chains get their message across.
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ANGIERUNNER
9/18/2009
4:36:14 PM

 my parents never let me have junk food when i was young... which made me want it more and sneek around with it. I think its good not to restrict too much from kids because then they will want it even more.
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SANDALEIN
9/18/2009
4:30:59 AM

 I was the 'carrot child' - i.e. the child who had such a healthy packed lunch that no one wanted to swap anything with me, ever! So I ended up spending all my pocket money (and later on, when I was grown-up, nearly all my wages) on chocolate, which I would scoff down and hide the wrappers behind the piano so my Mum wouldn't find them. I later struggled with anorexia and then overeating and weight gain. So I am a lot more relaxed with my kids. Yes, we've discussed the importance of 5 a day, so we try to make sure (together) that we all eat that, but I let them have full-fat food, occasional treats (not every day) and the like. After all, if they can't enjoy it now guilt-free, when will they? And they have a very sane attitude to food (they're only 4 and 6, but they are quite easy-going and not obsessed with sweets at all, unlike most other kids their age).
92
53MARCELLE
9/18/2009
4:16:00 AM

 my mother in law was shocked to see my children eating a bowl of raw vegetables

i was quite careful when they were small

sweets were a treat after good food
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GRACEISENUF7
9/17/2009
6:06:42 PM

 I fed them good stuff when they were little, treats in moderation.....they are teens now and for the most part they eat pretty well. I don't play the Food Police with them as it would only cause rebellion. I make suggestions at times but ultimately it is their decision what they will swallow. My daughter works at a restaurant and my son works at a supermarket, lots of food choices! :) I am very grateful they are both a healthy weight and physically fit.
90
SPARKLINGVIOLET
9/17/2009
4:01:57 PM

 I'm so glad I don't have kids...I can't even control what I eat...let alone another human being.
89
MSALWILLIAMS
9/17/2009
8:33:18 AM

 I always encourage the healthy options and limit how much of the bad foods she has. She is not denied those foods but limited. She might ask for a chocolate candy bar once a month. She prefers frozen yogurt over full fat ice cream. She knows I won't say no unless she has already had some for the day. There are times we are at the store she will look at the nutritional labels and comment on how much sugar is in something then put it back saying it is not a great choice. I am proud of her knowledge about healthy eating. I'm also proud of her self control when it comes to having the bad foods. But she knows it's alright to have the special treats on occasion but you can't do it all the time. Plus when it is on occasion she enjoys them so much more.
88
TADDINGTON
9/16/2009
11:57:59 PM

 My mom put me on a diet before I was 10 years old. i have struggled with weight and control issues for a long time. This is so true. I think it makes a difference how parents approach eating healthy verse deprivation.
87
RHINODOG
9/16/2009
10:58:37 PM

 I've always been relaxed about what Adam eats and he used to eat all kinds of different foods. Then we moved to Mississippi and the school and other parents use food as a reward and boy oh boy, the kinds of food they would hand those kids. I quickly became very unpopular and started restricting what he ate, I don't want him to load up on sugar and fat and be too full to eat a healthy dinner. No, he wasn't gorging and sometimes didn't want all the sweets but people pressed it on him and he did not want to seem impolite. In my experience, it matters little what you teach young children if peer pressure and especially other parents work against you. things have improved with the years, Adam has become more sure of himself and will stand up for what he wants. Still into the candy but not as badly.
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SEAQUILTER
9/16/2009
10:35:02 PM

 Looks like you are not alone on how you raised your child. I still can recall when I went to school and my mom made "meatloaf" sandwiches and all my friends had bologna. Which I really wanted. We never had any chocolate bars, soda pop or chips in our home. I do recall when i became a teenager, before I got home I would have some chips and pop. When I was raising my boys, I was less strict yet tried to have plenty of fruit and veggies on the table and buy healthier groceries in general. It's great now to go to my son's apartment for supper and see fruits and vegetables in their fridge. Notice I did check !! I believe as long as you teach your child the benefits of healthy food it will rub off on your child.
85
MEREDITHNZ
9/16/2009
9:49:46 PM

 Great blog!! In my experience, if you impose too much restriction on food for anyone (adults or children) then they feel deprived and are likely to binge or make food decisions based on emotions...

as the others have said: moderation is key!
84
ANGELJEWEL
9/16/2009
9:38:11 PM

 I had the experiance of raising 5 wonderful children on healthy food. Our decision was not to eat junk food at home, but allowed to eat anything elsewhere. Although they all seemed to go through a junk food stage in there teens (supplemented with good food at home) they all came back to eating good by late 20's and thank me for providing a good nutritional upbringing so they knew "what" to go back to insead of having no clue. I believe if you lay a good foundation for anything in a childs life they will come back to it.
83
ROYALETBONE
9/16/2009
9:34:17 PM

 Great blog- thanks!
My kids are 27 & 32, and doing fine weight wise. We ate healthy 95% of the time, but went sugar crazy on drives... and somehow, it all has balanced out for them. Yeah! They could buy Captain Crunch or other total absolute garbage... but were served that stuff as desert, not breakfast. Seems like the right place for the ultra sugar foods.
Good luck on raising your kids.. it's such a balancing act.
Having tasty, healthy food, home cooked, fresh--- and then occasionally eating the trash at fast food places worked for my kids.
82
SALTYCHOCOLATE
9/16/2009
6:09:26 PM

 This is sound advice. It's good to see parents teaching children healthy eating habits, but also being realistic about them.
81
CANCUNENSE
9/16/2009
4:02:30 PM

 I agree, a balanced diet is important but I also let them eat a McDonalds meal, pizza or junk every once in a while. Its part of our culture these days and if all they're friends can "enjoy" these things why not my kids!

80
SCRIBE4CHRIST
9/16/2009
3:34:07 PM

 From the day they were born, I made sure my girls got the very best and most healthy food. We raised one cow and one pig a year for butchering and all our own fruits and vegetables. I would pack their lunches for them and think how much better the health would be of my girls. It wasn't until they were both over 18 and had moved out of the house that they started having severe weight gains and very rapidly too. I asked what the problem seemed to be since they know some serious health problems
are hereditary in our family and it is crucial for them to control their weight. The answer I got was "Mom, for all our school years, you packed us things like chicken and home made soup with juices from our own trees. We couldn't wait to taste what junk food was like and found that we LOVE it. So
just back off." They are now both well over 300 pounds and beginning with those health problems I
warned about. NOW they call me for healthy recipes and to help them with their health issues. It is never to late to change, but don't be surprised if your kids balk at healthy eating.
Erin
79
AMYRICKER
9/16/2009
3:31:01 PM

 this is a great blog thanks so much !!!
78
GOSPELCLOWN
9/16/2009
1:37:17 PM

 I fed my daughter high fiber, low salt and low sugar choices. She used to love going shopping as a toddler and would ask for the cauliflower and broccoli etc.

By the time she was in high school and college, she gorged on family sized candy bags and told me she was a vegetarian. (Not even close!)
Her alcohol consumption was a backlash to my strict choices and lifestyle too, but as she approaches her 30's, she is here on Spark People and learning all about nutrition, exercise and balance.
Thanks for the blog!
Karen in BC
77
WENDYRS
9/16/2009
12:36:12 PM

 This is such a good topic! My dad was a dentist, and consequently my mom never kept junk (read: candy) in the house except at certain holidays (Halloween, Christmas, Easter). We never had soda in the house until I was in my teens (and then it was "dad's soda, so don't drink it"). I felt very much deprived, so in high school instead of buying lunch, I'd buy soda and four candy bars. That would be my lunch for four years. I struggled with my weight from the time I reached adolescence, because my mother would lecture me about having seconds (I love rice) while at the same time making extra all the time. I was a closet binge eater from probably age 10 (Ritz with cranberry juice was my favorite after-school snack - though I would eat the ENTIRE sleeve of Ritz). When I went to college, my weight ballooned as I gorged on late-night pizza. I would make trips to the local supermarket and have packs of Double-Stuf Oreos, one-pound bags of peanut M&Ms, and peanut butter cups. I kept cold Cokes stashed in my dorm room mini-fridge and would have a six-pack in a day.

When I got into my 20s and had my daughter, it was all about eating what I wanted. I would feed her the healthy stuff, but eat the bad stuff myself. After divorcing my daughter's father, and doing yo-yo dieting for 10-15 years, I was at 400 pounds and eating constantly. My second husband and I met at a time when we were both at Weight Watchers. We were eating buddies from the start. We were trying to help his three kids eat healthier, as well as my daughter, but at night we were bingeing on junk food. Now that we're 2 years post-op gastric bypass, our food choices are MUCH better. We still like to eat out, but we don't order dessert. We talk about calories, portion control, and keep healthy food options in the fridge, but we also have chips, pretzels, and sometimes ice cream at home. We're trying to accept that we can't control what the kids eat outside the house, and we're talking to them about making good choices on a daily basis. It's a real struggle, but we're hoping that we haven't caused any untoward damage to our kids' eating habits.
76
A4MYANGELS
9/16/2009
11:40:30 AM

 I've been thinking about this lately. My mother and my 19 year old son seem to live on sugar so I've gotten mad at them for always offering it to my 13 year old son and my 3 year old daughter. But at the same time I will buy them treats every once in a while. I don't want to always so no to them, but I don't want junk from coming at them from all directions either... I guess I just need to be a little quieter about it.
75
MJS505
9/16/2009
11:27:51 AM

 I did something similar with my oldest child and it did backfire. He only got healthy cereals and no candy at all. When he got into daycare and playdates he would gorge on the sugar. I did a lot better with my younger two, they got candy as special treats, then they didn't eat quite so much when they were given some.
74
SKYMOM101
9/16/2009
10:47:09 AM

 Very true! When I was growing up it was the meat & potato years. And I HAD to clean my plate because of those starving kids in other countries. I made sure not to do that with my daughter because if you have to keep eating after you're full, you lose the ability to monitor your own hunger. When my daughter said she was done she was done and that was it so she's able to eat a few bites of cake and not feel she has to finish the whole thing. Kids won't starve themselves for those who worry they're not eating enough. And lots of times when I was eating something & my daughter asked what it was I'd say, "oh, that's for adults, I don't know if you'd like it" so she'd always want to try it. She never spit anything out even if she didn't like it. To this day, she'll try many different things and when we were at the International Food & Wine Festival in Epcot when she was 12 she said she'd try everything. That included buffalo & escargot! So encourage but don't push!
73
CBRENNAN2
9/16/2009
10:28:38 AM

 I agree. Growing up I didn't eat too bad, but there weren't any clear guidelines either. My moms family has a history of food addiction, and binge eating. When my kids were younger I bought them frozen burritos , and fruit snacks. I didn't realize how unhealthy they were. For the last 5/6 years I have gotten much wiser. I don't buy chips, or candy, fruit snacks etc. We eat lots of chicken, rice, and veggies. I make salads. We eat lots of fruit especially. I feel like my husband and I are setting a good example now. And they see me exercise a lot too. Sometimes they will spend some of their allowance on candy, and junk. But it's not a part of their regular life at home.
72
CINCYDORA
9/16/2009
10:25:03 AM

 I agree. The worst thing my Mom ever did was put me on a diet in 4th grade. As soon as I started getting chubby she passed her food issues on to me. To this day a simple comment from her can send me spiraling back into bad habits like secret eating. It hurts to see her doing the same thing to my little sister but what can I do?
71
LIZABAKER
9/16/2009
9:47:51 AM

 It's all about education - teach them to make the good choices most of the time and not worry about the OCCASIONAL (meaning really occasional, NOT daily or even weekly!) junkfood. Ain't it the truth - they do great when they're really little, but as soon as they see what most American kids eat, it becomes an issue. Let's educate all the other parents not to send trash lunches to school - my mouth hangs open in disbelief when I see a child bring a lunch that consists of gatorade, chips, and a candy bar. It really does happen.
70
HENRYNOLAN
9/16/2009
9:44:18 AM

 i couldn't agree more - i grew up in an extremely restrictive environment (food wise), so any chance i could get as a kid i was sneaking in 'bad foods'. needless to say i had no idea how to eat in moderation when i went away to college and was left to make my own choices
69
GMAN1952
9/16/2009
9:39:22 AM

 To help get more fruit into my grandchildren my daughter-in-law makes fresh fruit smoothies the kids love them and their getting the nurishment they need.
68
ROGERSMYCAT
9/16/2009
9:23:08 AM

 One of my best friends (who happens to be a very healthy eater) is a big believer that a piece of fruit or some veggie sticks are a snack and she has passed this mentality along to her children. I remember being blown away when she asked her 7 year old if she would like a snack and when asked what she wanted the 7 year old replied either an apple or some carrot sticks (very different from my mentality as a child...or even my mentality up until a few months ago!). She will ask for the same things at her friends' houses. I think if you teach your kids that healthy foods are a daily snack and cookies, cake, etc. are a special treat to be enjoyed on occassion, they will learn to prefer the healthy foods for snack time and won't feel deprived because they can still indulge on occasion (at least that is how it seems to be working for my friend's kids!).
67
JANNALEE1
9/16/2009
9:08:58 AM

 I totally agree! I came from a household where we were not allowed "junk food" or "fast food" period. I know my Mum did this because she was smart and cared about what we ate. She wanted us to be healthy. Unfortunately, when I had the opportunity I would eat as much junk as I could get my hands on! When I was a teen, and I had a little babysitting money I spent it on things like slurpees and McDonalds. At that point I was incredibly active with team sports so my eating habits didn't catch up with me until my 20s. Boy was I sorry! I am not saying that I blame my Mum, after all, she was trying to PREVENT me from eating like this. I just can't help but wonder if I had been allowed some of these indulgences as a kid, I wouldn't have been so obsessed with them. My sister has small kids, and I think she feeds them nutritiously. She does, however, allow them some treats here and there. Perhaps this will be the balance needed? Then again, maybe every kid reacts differently.....good luck mothers out there! You have the toughest, most scrutinized job going!!!!!!
66
MDTWEETY
9/16/2009
9:08:16 AM

 Yes, it's all about balance!
65
JLRIV781
9/16/2009
9:07:12 AM

 I too closely monitor what my 2 1/2 year old son eats. I also have him on a vegetarian diet, which may be very hard to control when he starts school. Now when I make Daddy's lunches, he's very courious about the meat. I know one day the time will come where I may have to switch him to a "flexitarian" diet. I also have learned that I can control it at home, but have to give in a little away from home.
64
4MY_HEALTH
9/16/2009
8:57:16 AM

 I find that if I keep the kitchen stocked with healthy foods that my family rarely asks for something that is not balanced and healthy. On occassion we will purchase a small container of ice cream or a small bag of cookies but most of the time we go for what is already available and get creative.
63
ENJOYINGLIFE1
9/16/2009
8:40:43 AM

 It is all about balance. I have two teenage children and find that having no forbidden foods is the way to go. It seems that portion control is what needs to be taught to our children.
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