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Confession: I Gained the Freshman 40

By: Nicole Nichols : 8/24/2008 10:11:33 AM : 77 comments

Often, people assume that health and fitness professionals have never had to struggle with their weight. You may think that we love to exercise and must have a natural aversion to all decadent or "sinful" foods, too. But that couldn't be further from the truth�at least for me. I was fit as a child and teen, and I am now as an adult. But college was a different story...

I gained about 35-40 pounds in college. I can't tell you the exact number, because it depressed me to get on the scale, so I just stopped looking. I was a little underweight when I started school, because I was exercising like a fiend and eating way too little. (I thought what I was doing was healthy. How little I knew then.) So when college started and I was living off of dining hall food, barely sleeping, and engrossed in a stressful major at a competitive school, I didn't have time to exercise like I used to, and I started stress eating. After under feeding my body for so long and then eating more, my weight ballooned up quickly�to the point that none of my clothes even fit! Talk about embarrassing. I came home for the holidays and my tell-it-like-it-is grandmother said (in front of everyone), "Nicole sure has gained weight in college!" (Thanks Grandma�I hadn't noticed.)

My weight issues continued for a few years. I remained overweight and unhappy, and was constantly getting ready to start new diets and fitness programs. I'd tell myself "No sweets starting Monday!" or "I'll exercise for 2 hours every day." Each plan would last about a day or two, and then I'd gorge on bags of candy and start skipping my workouts. I struggled with emotional overeating and an obsession with food, all the while hating how my body looked and wanting to change desperately!

So what did change? I learned to accept myself and care about myself. I learned to stop saying no to sugar, carbs, candy, or other "bad" foods. I learned to listen to my body's REAL cues for hunger, to stop reaching for food to cope with bad feelings, even when my body wasn't hungry. I re-trained my brain so that it was no longer "normal" to snack every time I watched TV or went to a movie. And I stopped obsessing with my weight (I threw out my scale). It didn't happen overnight, and I didn't even lose weight for a long time. It wasn't easy. I had setbacks, but I'd keep them in perspective and just keep trying to be better to my body and myself. Even without losing weight at first, I was happier. And I knew that eventually, my body would return to what was normal.

Over the years, I continued to drop weight without even trying, just by eating in moderation (when hungry), exercising in moderation (without focusing on the calories burned), and focusing on my health overall. Now I'm at a point where I'm happy enough with my body. I'm fit and healthy and I can look good enough in my clothes to not feel self-conscious. At the same time, I can enjoy eating without obsessing about the calories or fat, and I can exercise as much as I feel like, without forcing myself to do things that I don't enjoy. Overall, the things that helped me most were:

Learning and honoring my body's true signals for hunger and fullness. I don't eat by a clock, and even if I just ate 1 hour ago, if I feel hungry enough that my belly rumbles, I'll eat. At the same time, I won't eat just because food is around (at a party, at the movies, in the evening at home). Also, learning to be satisfied without being stuffed goes a long way.
Not weighing in. I never weigh myself. I have a general idea of how much I weigh, but I gauge how well I'm doing based on how I look and how my clothes feel.
Exercising because it feels good. I do not pay attention to how many calories I burn. To me, that's just one small factor. Instead, I exercise at the appropriate intensity for me and I pick workouts that I enjoy because they're fun or because I know they keep me healthy, fit and feeling good.
Journaling. I turned to my journal to help deal with my emotional eating issues. When I'd slip up, I'd write about what happened, examining what I was really feeling and what I could have done to remedy the situation without turning to food for comfort.
Taking care of myself. Instead of hiding in oversized clothes (like I had been), I bought new, flattering and fitted clothes that gave me confidence. I decided that I was worth it just as I was and I deserved to look good, even if my weight wasn't where I wanted it to be.
Not comparing myself to others. This was probably the hardest of all, but the more I compared myself to others, whether it was women I saw on campus or celebrities in magazines, the worse I felt about myself. So I stopped. And I learned that variety is what makes the world go 'round. We can't all be size 2's with amazing legs and cellulite-free butts. But we can choose to be fit and happy in the bodies we have right now.

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Comments (Scroll to end to leave a comment)

SHARENASOL 5/15/2010 5:41:27 PM	I saw so much of myself in that. Weighing in never worked good for me - I never got the knack of not getting depressed by a 'bad' weigh in. Or - comparing myself with others on pictures... and so on and so forth. So thank you for the good vibes. I see better now.	77
BRENDAT666 5/5/2010 5:24:15 PM	So true. I also yo-yoed through most of my 20s and 30s. I put on weight in grad school and then immediately got pregnant. now that my youngest is almost 2 and I'm almost 40 I'm finally figuring out what I need to do to lose weight. I'm bummed that it took me so long but happy that I am finally doing it. I'll be so happy the day I can throw out my scale.	76
MAMMA3MONKEYS 4/22/2010 7:33:24 PM	I love this article! In high school I started caring about my weight, I was around 175. I lost 25 over summer by obsessively exercising. I'd skip breakfast, grab a bunch of sugar laden stuff just before Gym so I had the energy to do double time. I worked harder and faster then anyone else there and I made it a point to do so. I would walk instead of eat lunch (sometimes I'd eat a lettuce leaf with dressing and maybe a roll because of my sister) but then I'd get home and workout at the bus stop while waiting for my younger sister to get home. Then I'd get home, work out some more. Sometimes I'd go to bed early and skip dinner and sometimes I'd eat. To me, I felt like my fat body was because I couldn't control my eating. So I CONTROLLED it. I ignored the hunger pangs and felt strong and confident. I felt healthy, i was more active and had lost 25lbs and was able to do everything in Gym for once. When I had to change schools shortly after starting, I turned my anger into self-destructive behavior - by eating and not exercising. I gained until I was almost 200lbs - in the course of a few short months! Several years ago I started a very healthy eating plan that has been teaching me a lot about what healthy eating is - and I've been discovering a ton about my eating behaviors, my relationship with food, and how I respond to life with eating. I whole heartedly agree with journaling it out. I felt like reading that part and the part about exercising, as if I was reading something I had written! It's so important to enjoy yourself. I only exercise in a way that I enjoy and if I make an unhealthy choice, I write it out and analyze what I could do better. I'm so glad you are here and you never let yourself lose total control over your weight or continue down the road of obessing. Kudos to you sweety!	75
BRANDILYNN 4/21/2010 7:02:13 PM	I did the freshman 50 and then lost some... then I did the Mommy 50 and lost some... did the Mommy one again... you get the idea.	74
SUZYMARC 3/12/2010 7:20:19 AM	Thank Nicole! I at one time became anorexic due to always wanting to look like someone else or magazine covers. I became obsessed with not eating and exercising was just as out of control. When I finally got off that crazy ride and started trying to eat healthy and cut back on exercising to stop killing myself, my body weight ballooned way up! I refuse to go to either extreme anymore. I finally feel comfortable with myself and with the help of Spark People I am going to finally master a healthy lifestyle. Thanks for the tips and letting me know others are out there with the same feelings.	73
STEPHIE17789 3/3/2010 1:12:15 PM	I'm new and i need all the help i can get.... thanks for the helpful hints.	72
ROCHELLE_1990 12/29/2009 3:56:52 PM	I gained 30 pounds my freshman year at college despite vowing I would only eat at the snack bar. Between the stress, the choices, and birth control, I gained a considerable amount of weight. I am so glad that there are so many people out there who are so supportive. I am in your same boat - but you have mentally come so much further than me. Keep up the good work!!!	71
GINGER2814 12/27/2009 9:48:01 PM	Thanks so much for posting this and I can definitely relate! During my first 3 years of college, I gained about 30 pounds. Although I kept up with working out throughout these years, I attribute my massive weight loss to being extremely out of tune with the nutritional needs of my body and a lack of understanding of how many calories I was actually consuming in a day. I realized that I was gaining, too, but had trouble acknowledging that I had to start making myself a priority in my life. I started Spark almost 5 months ago and I am proud to say that I have lost about 35 pounds. I was especially happy that I was able to maintain and ENJOY the holidays!! I am still unpacking a lot of negativity that I hold against my own body, but I know that this is a work in progress. I have made a stand; the feelings I get when I can keep up in a difficult spinning class or do push-ups will no longer be tainted by society's constant message that looks mean everything. I can feel the positive changes that I have made and it makes me happy that I am actively pursuing a healthy me for a healthy future!	70
LUV3DBYY0U 8/9/2009 5:47:25 AM	My story is very similar to yours! I gained about 25 lbs during my first year of college. The summer when college started I was able to workout every single day and went down from 135 -105, but it was definatly not the healthy way! I ate very little and worked out for 3-4 hours everyday. After my first year of college I now weigh 130.	69
THENEWAMANDAMAC 7/20/2009 1:00:46 PM	I also gained 40 pounds my freshman year in college. By my junior year I had switched my major to dietetics and lost around 20 pounds learning how to eat right and exercise, and I learned how important that is to health. Even though I lost this weight, I was still the 4th heaviest in my graduating class. After I graduated I started a job in the food industry as a supervisor and was working 16 hours a day and every weekend. I never had time to exercise or plan meals, and I was super unhappy. After 6 months and those 40+ pounds came back, I quit because I knew this lifestyle was not what I wanted. Now I have another job in the food industry but I am with a company that gives me weekends off (on occasion) and I only work 10 hour days. Having those extra 6 hours a day gave me plenty of time to plan meals and exercise, and I have since lost 20 pounds and more to come!	68
SETABB08 7/17/2009 1:32:26 PM	thank you for posting this. i hadnt even noticed i gained the freshman ten-fifteen (depends on the day for me) until I came home for the summer. It's been a depressing summer, because both of my sisters have recently graduated from college and dropped to a size four and two. I have started obsessing with being the "fat" sister. Thanks for letting me feel more normal, and giving me hope that I CAN change my habits. :)	67
ELIADIETA 5/4/2009 10:32:58 PM	I have felt the same so many times	66
STEPH1965 3/26/2009 8:14:35 AM	God, I related to your article so well. I also gained the Freshman 40 and learned a lot about my bad habits and self-hatred. I learned, like you Nicole, that the way to get a grip was to start listening to my body and treating it and myself with self love. A changed attitude goes a long way when changing habits	65
FITMOM331 3/24/2009 8:08:10 PM	Thank you for sharing your story I also have always been thing but over the 2a lyears have put on more wiehgt than I need I just want to feel comfortable in me and be healthier	64
PIRATELOOKSAT40 2/10/2009 1:58:23 PM	Hi, Nicole! This is the 3rd blog of yours I've read today.....I don't think, in the year I've been with SparkPeople, that I've EVER read the blogs. But the reading today began with "Finding Balance" and then I read three of your Confession blogs and some things are finally starting to click into place for me. As I'd posted on one of your other blog entries, I am just tired of fighting with my body, tired of obsessing over numbers, but I'm also tired of not being able to "manage" my weight very well. I just want to feel strong and healthy and be comfortable in my own skin. I'm about 15 pounds from the high end of my health weight range. I'm irritated with how my martial arts uniform fits (or doesn't) and I'm letting my reflection in the mirrors beat me up mentally at every class. Your guidelines at the end of this post make a lot of sense and are good reminders. I realized that when i was first married, I maintained for a LONG time in the upper 160s and we didn't own a scale. And I do, in small ways, compare myself to others. The Wise Me and the Insecure Me need to have a heart to heart. I also realize I worry about what other people might think. At 40, I feel like I shouldn't be doing that but I do. That's something else I need to work on. Thank you!	63
AUCHICK11 2/8/2009 9:27:54 PM	I can honesty agree with this article, I gained 50 pounds my freshman year and I am now currently a sophmore. I am now seeing the results of over eating and for a while I've been depressed about the weight gain. One day last semester I got up and got a free personal trainer provided by the school and I excersice four times a week but the problem is I am still not eating right. I have a thing for sweets, cakes, browines, cheesecake, pasta, bread you name it. Seeing that someone else has been though this does not make me feel alone.	62
SACREROUGE 2/7/2009 10:34:49 PM	Thank you for sharing your story!	61
TRICOTINE 2/6/2009 9:55:46 AM	Thank you for sharing your story! :-)	60
G1RLINTERRUPTED 1/23/2009 3:54:04 AM	did you lose the weight then?	59
TNTRAPUNZEL 1/15/2009 3:28:11 AM	i gained the senior 30... i dont know if their was such a thing, but i guess there is now. im ditching the scale too. ill diet and exercise, but the scale stresses me out.	58
SPARKLESSENCE 12/31/2008 7:48:00 AM	Nicole, you look so petite and fit, I never would have guessed you'd struggled with weight in college! And I LOVE your idea about ditching the scale! I do best when I don't look. Happy New Year!	57
RUN2LOSE34 10/17/2008 8:27:36 AM	Thank you for sharing your story. I think we all need to be reminded at times that it's not the scale that is the most important....it's how we feel and how confident we are. Thanks again! :)	56
JOANNS4 10/13/2008 8:16:32 AM	Thankyou for sharing this story. How we feel is more important than the scale. Great blog!	55
LINBUTLER 9/25/2008 9:24:44 AM	Great article! I'm not to the point where I can throw out the scale but I don't go crazy over my weight like I used to. I still have a little way to go where I will fill like I'm where I need to be.	54
RUBY26 9/16/2008 5:28:31 PM	Thanks, great article. I can really identify with everything you wrote...but still trying to get to that mental place where I'm comfortable not weighing myself. I will try to actively journal some of my emotional eating issues.	53
KITTYROXX 9/16/2008 4:38:23 PM	Coach Nicole, this was exactly the kind of story I needed today! Thank you sosososososo much.	52
SWEETNESS83 9/6/2008 10:47:25 PM	I'm no longer in college but this is great. Everyone speaks of the Freshman 15 but I gained 30 pounds in my four in a half years of college. Luckily, and shockingly, I lost 22 of those without even trying once I graduated. I guess once I wasn't faced with papers to write and textbooks to read I didn't feel the urge to grab junk food. I am now struggling with keeping the other 8 off, they have been coming off and back on soon. The reason for this is that I indulge during my lunch break at work because the job is now stressful. Old habits die hard. Luckily, I'm really good with breakfast and dinner- since unlike school work, my work is left at work. Whew!	51
CNNOLE 9/4/2008 10:39:27 AM	Congrats! I think it takes a lot of courage and stregnth to not compare yourself to every person that walks by. I think it is just a human nature thing, especially for woman. I haven't managed to get that stregnth to not compare myself to others but I am happy to say that I have lost my freshman 40. I never even realized I had that much to lose until I started losing it and my very vocal sister-in-law said "wow you are losing a lot of weight, it is about time because you were starting to get pretty big." Don't you just love family.	50
EJORDANE 9/2/2008 1:36:34 AM	I wish we could favorite these! I loved this blog.	49
NIKKITHEKID 8/28/2008 4:01:30 PM	great story. definitely could have written it myself. i've become very obsessed with calories, numbers, minutes, etc and now i'm thinking about doing away with that and just listening to my body and trusting my instincts instead. again, great post!	48
NETPASSONS 8/27/2008 12:27:47 AM	Wow!! You just made me feel great. I am feeling better about myself thru SP. The weight is not moving much. I am adopting healthy eating and exercising habits. Just knowing that your pounds didn't just drop like magic is inspiring to me. Before I gained the weight, I was eating one meal a day and had a job that kept me moving constantly for 10-12 hours a day. Now I am up to 3 meals a day and regular exercise, but unemployed. You give me the inspiration to stick with it even if the scales don't want to move. Thanls!!!!!	47
SYLVIE_22 8/26/2008 7:19:27 PM	Wow this reminds me so much of my own story. In high school i was 130 lbs but compared to all the other girls i was fat. So when college rolled around i decided i would do something about it. Every morning i would wake up early and go running around campus. This, along with only eating one meal a day, made me get down to the very low 100s. Then after a while friends introduced me back to fast foods and it felt good to indulge. I slowly put on the 40 lbs that i now have over about 2 years. I'm finally doing something about it, and this article has given me some great ideas as to things that i might try changing. I must admit i'm addicted to the scale and it only brings me down when i see that i haven't lost weight.	46
KARICHELLE 8/26/2008 6:23:50 PM	I think my personal gaining of the "freshman 15" started in high school, when I went from a size 7 to a size 9, then an 11, then a 13. By the end of college I was a misses size 14 (or a tight 12, because I told myself I was a 12). Thanks for sharing your experience -- it's nice for those of us who have gained and lost and are working toward a healthy lifestyle to see that one of our mentors has true personal experience.	45
BALOFS 8/26/2008 12:34:33 PM	Congrats to all that have posted and suceeded!!! And congrats to Nicole! I myself have gained the freshmen 40 since going to grad school. That's what's led me here... Between 3 kids, a husband who works offshore, and not having been in school for 5 years after working in industry it is a wonder how I've made it through the first year!I've just started my second year and am now just taking some of the steps outlined in the article, so this definitely hit home with me!!!	44
CRYSLLEWIS 8/26/2008 11:31:46 AM	I echo the others...thanks for sharing and reaffirming why I started this journey...not b/c I want to look like a model but to change my lifestyle as a whole.	43
MCDIDDLYD 8/26/2008 10:01:23 AM	Thank you Coach Nicole for sharing your story. Way to go for feeling good as you are and not comparing yourself to others I hope more of us can do that as well. Sheila	42
ILOVEROSES 8/26/2008 9:46:11 AM	Thanks Nicole for sharing your story.	41
COACH_NICOLE 8/25/2008 9:19:41 PM	Thanks for all the comments so far--I've read through all of them! I'm glad you can all relate to my story for the most part. That's why I wanted to share it--to show that YOU can become a success story, too!	40
LFARRINGTON84 8/25/2008 7:30:38 PM	This is why we love you! I think its so important that some of the people working for sparkpeople have had their own struggles with their bodies. My husband is skinny as a bean pole, he's never had to lose weight, and I sometimes feel like he doesn't understand what I'm going through. But you've been where we are and you "came out of it". That's inspirational!	39
ALKHATRI 8/25/2008 3:01:21 PM	Thanks Nicole..I really would like to do as you, don't care about how much calories I am burning, and the major problem I had not weighing my self and don't caring about the number on the scale...Thanks again for this inspiration ^_^	38
COLLEGEMOM27 8/25/2008 1:29:21 PM	I love this inspirational story! Thank you for the tips on what worked for you, especially not comparing yourself to others. I think that is what gets me down the most.	37
ALILEEE 8/25/2008 12:40:19 PM	Thanks for sharing your story. I always felt bad because I definitely gained more than the freshman 15...it was more like the freshman 40 as well. It's nice to hear that I'm not the only one!	36
ONESWEETSHANNON 8/25/2008 10:09:42 AM	One more reason I'm always inspired by Coach Nicole! Thank you for sharing your story with such honesty. Sometimes people assume someone as fit as you has always been that way. I appreciate knowing that you have personal experience with the same struggle so many of us share -- it makes you more human and, at the same time, makes me realize that my own goal is attainable if I keep working at it. Thank you for sharing your story and your strategies for success!	35
UNC-FAN 8/25/2008 8:44:46 AM	Thanks for the article, Nicole. I like your approach of listening to your body. I'm working in that direction too, so that was reassuring: it's possible! Besides, after counting calories, carbs, fat, and proteins, I can't imagine trying to count calories burned while exercising too. I'm just thrilled if I can get in 20 to 40 minutes of walking (or anything) 4 to 5 times a week. Now I'll have to look for your video....	34
DEBORAH63601 8/25/2008 8:14:47 AM	I think everyone can relate to the comparing themselves and learning to love ourselves as we are. Thanks	33
CAREYLYNS4 8/25/2008 8:08:49 AM	I also gained a lot of weight in college, especially during my senior year when I was working two jobs and still attending school full-time. I was very stressed and didn't give myself enough time to exercise, eat right, or get enough sleep, so it was a very disastrous combination. I read about this site one week before my college graduation, and started seriously following the plans a few weeks later. It really opened my eyes and gave me the tools and resources I needed to turn my life around. It was just the kick in the pants that I needed and it came along at the perfect time.	32
BMOODYASAA 8/25/2008 6:40:08 AM	Nicle, Even though my 35 was after I had my third child, I can still relate! I really appreciate your focus on emotional and physical health rather than being thin. Your article was very inspiring. You are reaching a lot of people and making an impact, mos of which you will probably never know about. Keep it up!	31
QUEENYFJ 8/25/2008 4:20:20 AM	Thank you, Nicole. It's really inspiring. It helps me a lot when I know that someone who is now fit and healthy wasn't always like that. It gives me hope, as I was never fit, but I feel that I CAN be, if I do it right. Learning that you have also dealt with obstacles is very encouraging for me! Thank you for sharing!	30
TURTLERAE55 8/25/2008 2:25:49 AM	Thanks.	29
BRITOMART 8/25/2008 12:55:02 AM	Nicole, all your articles and blogs are so good--honest, straight-forward, and very helpful. thanks for being there for us all.	28