Do Not Expect Perfection, and Do Not Sit in Silence
As we prepared to chant the opening prayer, Kino advised us to speak up and avoid being shy. The words were in Sanskrit, and we'd repeat each line after her.
"It's better to not expect perfection than to sit in silence," she said.
Though the words were in the context of a yoga practice, later I considered how they can be applied off the mat.
How often in life have you waited to make a decision, to take action, to do something, because the timing wasn't right, because something was missing, because it wasn't perfect?
How many times have you said, "I might as well not try because I know I can't be the best"?
That you should quit (losing weight, playing soccer, studying French) because it isn't easy.
As a kid, I was paralyzed by the fear of not being the best. I was a straight-A student, a good dancer, and a talented writer. Tall and lanky, I was not an athlete. I knew I wasn't strong or fast, and my hand-eye coordination was lousy.
I didn't make it past the training wheel phase of bike riding until I was 26 (with a 21-year hiatus), and I never tried out for T-ball or soccer. In grade school, I deliberately wore dresses to avoid gym class, and when I reached high school, I feigned cramps. I refused to ride roller coasters, and I cried the first time I flew in an airplane. I hyperventilated at the prospect of ziplining.
I didn't try any of those things because I was afraid to fail, of making a fool of myself.
I sat in the proverbial silence because I was afraid.
To cope with chaos at home, I clung to control everyplace else. I followed every rule, I studied hard, and I did what I was told (until I became an angst-ridden teen, that is).
It should come as no surprise that I started suffering from panic and anxiety attacks in 11th grade, and I was hospitalized with anorexia at age 13.
Life was scary, and it was hard, so I buried myself in school.
All that hard work paid off. I earned a full academic scholarship. I graduated with honors and two degrees. I studied abroad, worked two jobs every summer, and ended up with a career I love.
And I've learned that fear is normal, that you can't run from it. I've learned there are time for sitting silently, and there are times to scream in excitement, to howl at the moon, to laugh out loud.
"Fear is the natural reaction to moving closer to the truth," says Pema Chodron.
When you start to take on your fears, be them riding downhill on a bike without braking (big fear of mine), moving away from home, or starting a journey to lose weight and get healthy, you will feel free. Yes, more fears will arise. Yes, "bad" things will happen. Yes, it will be difficult.
But you'll realize that the paralysis that fear causes is worse than any pain that fear can inflict. You'll experience good things alongside the bad, and things will get easier.
I'm not fearless, but as an adult, I am facing my fears. I moved to a country where I knew no one and barely spoke the language. I lost 50 pounds and kept it off. I quit a job that made me miserable.
And I survived.
If you sit in silence and do nothing, waiting for perfection, you'll waste your life away.
There's never the perfect moment to start losing weight.
There's never the right time to leave your life and start anew.
And there's never an easy way to let someone down.
But there are moments, there is time, and there are ways.
Be brave. Take risks. Believe in yourself.
And reject perfection. It doesn't exist.
So I ask you: Will you sit in silence? Or will you laugh out loud at your own imperfection?
What is your advice to someone who's afraid to try?
"It's better to not expect perfection than to sit in silence," she said.
Though the words were in the context of a yoga practice, later I considered how they can be applied off the mat.
How often in life have you waited to make a decision, to take action, to do something, because the timing wasn't right, because something was missing, because it wasn't perfect?
How many times have you said, "I might as well not try because I know I can't be the best"?
That you should quit (losing weight, playing soccer, studying French) because it isn't easy.
As a kid, I was paralyzed by the fear of not being the best. I was a straight-A student, a good dancer, and a talented writer. Tall and lanky, I was not an athlete. I knew I wasn't strong or fast, and my hand-eye coordination was lousy.
I didn't make it past the training wheel phase of bike riding until I was 26 (with a 21-year hiatus), and I never tried out for T-ball or soccer. In grade school, I deliberately wore dresses to avoid gym class, and when I reached high school, I feigned cramps. I refused to ride roller coasters, and I cried the first time I flew in an airplane. I hyperventilated at the prospect of ziplining.
I didn't try any of those things because I was afraid to fail, of making a fool of myself.
I sat in the proverbial silence because I was afraid.
To cope with chaos at home, I clung to control everyplace else. I followed every rule, I studied hard, and I did what I was told (until I became an angst-ridden teen, that is).
It should come as no surprise that I started suffering from panic and anxiety attacks in 11th grade, and I was hospitalized with anorexia at age 13.
Life was scary, and it was hard, so I buried myself in school.
All that hard work paid off. I earned a full academic scholarship. I graduated with honors and two degrees. I studied abroad, worked two jobs every summer, and ended up with a career I love.
And I've learned that fear is normal, that you can't run from it. I've learned there are time for sitting silently, and there are times to scream in excitement, to howl at the moon, to laugh out loud.
"Fear is the natural reaction to moving closer to the truth," says Pema Chodron.
When you start to take on your fears, be them riding downhill on a bike without braking (big fear of mine), moving away from home, or starting a journey to lose weight and get healthy, you will feel free. Yes, more fears will arise. Yes, "bad" things will happen. Yes, it will be difficult.
But you'll realize that the paralysis that fear causes is worse than any pain that fear can inflict. You'll experience good things alongside the bad, and things will get easier.
I'm not fearless, but as an adult, I am facing my fears. I moved to a country where I knew no one and barely spoke the language. I lost 50 pounds and kept it off. I quit a job that made me miserable.
And I survived.
If you sit in silence and do nothing, waiting for perfection, you'll waste your life away.
There's never the perfect moment to start losing weight.
There's never the right time to leave your life and start anew.
And there's never an easy way to let someone down.
But there are moments, there is time, and there are ways.
Be brave. Take risks. Believe in yourself.
And reject perfection. It doesn't exist.
So I ask you: Will you sit in silence? Or will you laugh out loud at your own imperfection?
What is your advice to someone who's afraid to try?
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Comments
- 5/25/2012 10:50:42 PM
And BTW ... is there such a thing as perfect?? It's all a matter of opinion, isn't it? Just be and do the best you can at all aspects of life ... don't be lazy and prone to excuses. It is amazing what can truly be overcome w/ the right mindset! - 5/21/2012 4:30:00 PM
Alaskasky, please don't give up hope! As you can see change is possible even when we're in our 60s, 70s, and beyond! One tip for you that I'm sure will help. Try EFT! (Emotional Freedom Tapping) Find someone who's been trained and have them teach you how to use the technique. Once you learn, it's a simple tool that you can use EVERY TIME you are affraid to bring down that dear. It's being used to treat veterans with PTSD right now and it's the only treatment that is working for them. It's natural, efficient and easy to do. Give it a try and you'll be amazed at how much you can truly do!
Good luck! - 5/20/2012 10:43:43 AM
Thank you so much for sharing.... - 5/19/2012 10:12:40 AM
Since then I have decided to not live in silence but laugh out loud at my own mistakes. I am no longer holding on to the past with clothes that no longer fit me (donated them all away). Mentally make choices of the foods that I put in my body. Mentally think about the calories of the foods I choose to eat. And of course when I have a bad day and over eat or don't exercise I let it go. There is always tomorrow. - 5/19/2012 7:39:33 AM
Thanks for this blog. - 5/19/2012 4:38:38 AM
- 5/18/2012 3:58:11 PM
Thank you for this read. Tho it made my eyes all watery - 5/18/2012 1:22:06 PM
- 5/18/2012 12:50:53 PM
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