Stress Relief for Women: Spend Time with Your Girlfriends
By: Stepfanie Romine,
DailySpark Blogger
11/29/2008 10:41 AM
: 79 comments
Girlfriendology founder Debba Haupert made her debut as a guest blogger on the dailySpark in September. Now that girlfriend guru is back, with plenty of good advice culled from interviews and chats with her own girlfriends.
Are you stressed? Worried about the economic situation? Unsure of what the future holds?
Join the club. Unfortunately we’re all stressed, especially women. The American Psychological Association research study "Stress in America," reports that women are more fearful about the current financial situation than men. Women are reporting more physical and psychological symptoms, including sleep disturbance, headaches, mood swings and changes in appetite. In fact, more than one-third of women currently rank their stress level as "extreme."
Healthwise, stress can impact us in profoundly negative ways. We often react by partaking in unhealthy habits like overeating, drinking too much and smoking. Stress can elevate our blood pressure, affect our hearts, and impact our ability to sleep or concentrate. Emotionally it can make us anxious, fearful, depressed or paranoid. With the holidays here and all the traditional challenges they brings with them, now is a great time to find some stress relief.
How can women reduce stress? First, let’s look at how we process it. As women, we don’t have the male gene that causes a “fight or flight” response. We actually respond with a need to “tend and befriend.” We want to take care of our children and to be with our friends. (More on this in the book: “The Tending Instinct,” by psychologist Shelley E. Taylor.) Also, we are often the primary source of emotional support to children, men and other women – so if we’re stressed, it can impact everyone around us.
Unfortunately we individually can’t do much to stop the economic situation, but we can reduce our stress so we can take better care of ourselves and our families.
Here at Girlfriendology, the online community for women based on female friendship, we believe it is more important than ever for women to look out for ourselves and one another. Girlfriends make us healthier, happier, live longer, feel more beautiful and even reduce stress. These close social ties are therapeutic and healthy, especially in a time of high stress.
So, girlfriends – here are 10 ways women can reduce stress, with help from our female friends:
- Volunteer with a friend. Animal shelter or senior center, church group or a neighborhood organization--volunteering together doubles the fun. And, knowing that you’re helping others takes your mind off your own stress and reminds you of all your blessings.
- Simplify your lives--together. Take turns helping each other get organized. Help your girlfriend with household projects or have her join you in cleaning out your basement. Organize, declutter and to trust your girlfriend to help you make good choices in what to keep and what to donate or toss. Do a little at a time--no need to be stressed by the project!
- Phone a friend--still is a great lifeline! Sure, we sometimes send a quick email or forward a funny joke, but it takes personal communication to really connect. People love the sound of their friend’s voice. Give her a call to catch up. Plan a phone date at a time that’s good for both of you. I have a monthly coffee phone dates with a long-distance girlfriend. We plan a time to talk on the weekend when the free minutes are rolling. A few minutes on the phone together can totally erase all our worries simply through a caring, fun conversation between girlfriends.
- Start a girlfriend group. Gather friends and start a book club, running club, mommies group or gourmet club. Find a common interest and then meet up on a regular basis. Like a vacation, it’s something great to anticipate!
- Make plans to do dinner or lunch. Food + girlfriends = fun! Try a new restaurant or share appetizers at your girlfriends’ for a happy hour with the girls. Take a wine tasting or cooking class together.
- Take a yoga or Pilates class with a girlfriend. The exercise will help you physically, the girlfriend will help you emotionally – both wonderful outcomes for an hour of your time. Plus, you’re bound to find things to giggle about in class, which is worth the effort simply for the comic relief!
- Try some animal therapy. Pets, like girlfriends, are also a proven source of stress relief. Put the two together and visit a dog park with a girlfriend. You’ll laugh at the dog antics, personalities and owners. Or, take a dog for a walk together. That combines exercise, animals and friendship--add a nice day and you’re set for a super stress-relieving session.
- Be creative. Enjoy time together and forget about the stress in your lives by getting creative. Take a knitting class, plan a day to scrapbook, make cards, bead or try a new craft together. Crafting is also a wonderful way to get your mind thinking creatively which can lead to new solutions for your stressful life. There’s a reason women are so passionate about their pastimes--find your passion and some girlfriends who share that hobby with you and you’re on your way to happiness. And, you can make gifts for your girlfriends!
- Plan some together time for pampering. Go shoe shopping, get haircuts or massages, or share a cup of tea--together. Allow yourself some time together to take care of your inner girlie-girl.
- Get healthy together. The fact is: weight gain or unhealthy habits often accompany stress. Find an approach that works for both of you to get healthier. Get her to sign up for SparkPeople too and track your progress together. Hold each other accountable for eating right, exercising, encouraging each other and celebrating your successes. Stress diminishes when you’re healthy, happy, beautiful and with your girlfriend!
You see? Spending time with your girlfriends is an excellent way of reducing your stress and that of your friends. By taking this pre-emptive, proactive approach, you’ll both be healthier, calmer and even have happier holidays. Stress-relief by spending time with your girlfriends … it’s a great way to respond to whatever stresses you!
Girlfriendology is the online community for women based on inspiration, appreciation and celebration of female friendship.
Founded by Debba Haupert in 2006, Girlfriendology inspires women to make new female acquaintances, spend time with their girlfriends, and appreciate those friendships that are vital to women’s health and happiness. Girlfriendology.com features inspiring women in semi-weekly podcasts, contests to share girlfriend stories and provides videos, shopping, reviews, blogs and more.
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Comments
=) i spent my childhood climbing trees, building stuff, being creative, etc... and my best friends are guys; always has been. they're easier to get along with and are more accepting than girls/women. we usually have quite a bit in common since I'm not exactly a girly-girl with hair and makeup stuff. sure it's nice and fun to play dress-up every now and then but it def is not a daily thing.
I studied premed, chemistry, physics, podiatry and eventually switched schools, locations, and got my BS in computer science database systems. bits and bytes are way easier to understand and use.
through DBT I kind of finally have a cpl female friends but honestly i'm on edge thinking gee, when will this turn into some stupid jealousy drama thing like the female friend i had last year at the time and now don't talk with at all. - 12/18/2012 5:55:39 PM
Those friendships have endured the test of time through miles of separation, family tragedies, kids, husbands and anything else that we can come up with between us. They are my sanity and a constant source of encouragement.
Thank God for friends.
- 12/2/2008 1:51:59 PM
If you haven't given that to yourself lately, do it, even if it's with your co-workers, moms from school that you may not know that well. Try it, find who you are comfortable with, it does us all wonders! - 12/1/2008 2:51:33 PM
Is there a research cite for this "fight or flight" gene occurring only in men? I've never heard of this discovery before. - 12/1/2008 8:20:51 AM
To the ladies (and gents) who say they have no (or just a couple of) friends, I'd say, read the book "The Five Truths You Must Discover Before You Die", by John Izzo, Ph.D. He describes how, after intimately interviewing more than 200 people whom their families and friends considered "wise people", he realised that although he himself had always lived service to others as his way of life, he hadn't made the effort to make any real friendships. Once he realised that and chose to change that state, he started to carry a little card in his pocket that reminded him of his intention to make friends.
As you'd imagine, he, like the rest of us, found that what you focus on, grows. As he made more of an effort to be available to others in a casual environment, he found that some of these people became good friends.
It _can_ be done. You don't have to go up to someone and say, "I need a friend, will you be my friend?" ... well, you could, of course, but it's not actually necessary. I find that if I am willing to be myself and really enjoy every interaction with people, some of those people want to get to know me, and I want to get to know them. In the course of that interaction, some become really good friends, some stay as acquaintances, but I know I'm richer for every person I've spoken to or interacted with over the 'net. It's NOT only family and neighbours and colleagues, you know - there are so many people out there! :)
Just my 2 cents - a little long-winded, for which I apologize.
Cheers,
Maya
- 12/1/2008 6:37:47 AM
I'm a very friendly, out-going person who can go into any group and easily meet new people, so I'm never lonely. - 12/1/2008 1:55:44 AM
...did I mention that she is a dead ringer for Angelina Jolie???
...oh but I love her just the way she is (and she me!) - 12/1/2008 1:16:13 AM
Most women seem to come by this naturally...of course I agree with Popeye that socially it is more acceptable for women to turn to each other for support than us men...even when we're together it can be tricky to get around to talking about *important* stuff!
Don, Co-Leader of All Health Professionals SparkTeam - 11/30/2008 8:45:01 PM
It's also okay if you don't have any girlfriends IF you love your life and you don't feel like you're missing anything. For some people their families are enough of a social support group, and guess what? That's fine! It's all about what works for you. - 11/30/2008 6:27:51 PM
While I've seen more signs of stress in women, I don't believe it's because women are under more stress. It's just culturally more acceptable for women to show and talk about stress.
That "fight or flight" syndrome that "men" have is an intense shot of adrenalin, which in our current society has nowhere to go. Heart rate goes up, the body tenses up and the adrenaline is maintained in the brain - potentially physically harming both the hypothalamus and amygdala, particularly if the stress is maintained over a long period of time.
It has been well documented that women report stress and attempt suicide twice as often as men. It is also documented that men succeed at killing themselves twice as often as women - a factor of four to one in men killing themselves through suicide. More often then not, it comes as a complete surprise to friends and relatives - including their spouse.
You are doing a great job in helping women deal with stress - we're actually using the same techniques that yoou have written about. I, being the lone male moderator in the group, may well be the only one not to have read your book.
Thanks for your comments, and thanks for verification that we are doing things for women in the same manner that others are doing.
We have been successful in really "getting through" to one man in the four plus years I've been a moderator/motivator on DwD. Have you seen any articles that suggest that men "join a network of friends" or other ways to help combat depression as you have suggested to women? So far, the men have fought that advice tooth and nail whenever we've tried it - and if someone hadn't walked in on me when I was putting everything together, I would have succeeded in surprising everyone who knows me and would have never talked to anyone about my feelings.
Most men have only one or two "friends" they trust enough to talk about dealing with ANY personal issues, much less stress or depression (at least, (as a combat veteran), I couldn't talk about my sense of worthlessness). Historically, depression or any other mental health issue has been a "women's disease", and men have been told to just "suck it up" or "get over it". "Only a wuss would let something like that keep a "man" from producing and being responsible enough to provide for his family.
No, it doesn't make sense, but our physical wiring is not the only wiring that is different from a woman. - 11/30/2008 5:21:35 PM
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